you've tried too hard to bridge the gap
for tears to flow just turn the tap
wash urself with dismal rain
your heart is ripped out its too late

the bottle's empty molotov
stuff a rag into the top
set the cloth alight and break
the bottle on yourself and burn

chorus:
you stared too hard
now the glass is broken
your face is stained
with blood and tears
mirrr your perfection
rejected reflection
unwashable taint on you

you
you
you
you
you
me
and i am YOU.......

poff - alice


i just finished this song. actually, it was julius who wrote the wonderful lyrics, i cant write that well. then, i came up with the tune. how do we write our songs? or come up with the nice tunes that u all hear? some people may ask us. well, most of the songs written are written lyricss first, then tune.. actually, its pure luck, i guess. anyway more about the song.

this song, aptly titled Alice, is written about a person, who hates his world, and wants to disappear into the imaginary world of Alice in Wonderland. when he looks into the mirror, he blames the person in it. however, after a while, he realises the person in the mirror is him. and then he also realises that Wonderland is all just imaginary, and therefore, the mirror sorta "rejects" his reflection. this song is about realising the fucked up parts are not about others, but urself, and i really can connect with it.

hopefully this song will be ready for the gig. it would be a joy to play it.

wow. last night. fun is a word that barely describes it.

tired.

sleep.

blog later.

ciao.

wow, havent been blogging for like 2 days now, been really busy with studies and getting my life back on track. although its kinda late, but, still....

these few days have been really peaceful. call me a pessimist or what, but somehow, i feel something's gona happen. its just a gut feeling of mine. i'm not normally like this, but i can see some disagreements forming and they are actually quite scary. hopefully this time, after every shitty thing has happened, the past differences can all be settled, instead of just being swept under the carpet, like what has been happening.

shit. something weird just happened. if u guys read julz blog, the song that he mentions there.. the who - behind blue eyes. ya, i was reading his blog while blogging on mine as well, and i didnt really read the lyrics.. however, when i finally read the lyrics i realised that i was actually hearing the lyrics, instesad of hearing them in my mind. then i realised that the song was being played on my computer. wierd.

anyways, i gonna start doing my work right about now, gotta finish it by 1pm so i can grab some sleep b4 jamming..

hopefully we'll all be alright at the end of the year.

i swear i'm spacing. damn tired.

yesterday morning, i stayed up till 8am doing my blog. dont worry, i'm not "blog crazy" like certain people, but what can i say? i'm a perfectionist if i want to do something. if you guys noticed, the links are now more organised and the header before each frame is nicely decorated.

---

i miss you so..
all the times we spent together
now has been taken away from me.

why do you do all this?
am i that insignificant?

i may seem like i dont care sometimes..
or that i dont give a damn,
but trust me when i say this..
"i care so much for u"

you used to come over
whatever the time or place
all i had to do was call,
and you would be there.

now all u do
is to give excuses

"i have work to do"
"i'm tired"
"why don't you come over instead?"

oh help me
because i dont know what to do.
should i keep holding on?
or should i just let go?



dont ask who this is for, its private.. just know that the person i'm talking about is dearest to me.

---

ahh....................

i think i'm just gona sleep. maybe i'll feel better tomorow or something, maybe i'm just tired.. whatever.

smoke!

You think that I'm the one to blame
Everything I lose is just a piece of what there is
to gain
You think it's cool and all is fine
Now is the day when you pay, this is my time
I feel for you nothing but pain
I am what you will be, you are dying in me
I love you, I hate you, I miss you...

You're always thinking you're so perfect
Those thoughts drove me away from home
But if you put me through your tests
Then I will fade

I have nothing to say
But I feel like my mouth is wide open
Everything that is real
Comes around
Comes around...

Shut up...

Your stupid face just makes me sick
I see you changing every day
To fit into the newest clique
I know you, but everything you do
Is just a part of you, you'll never see the truth
I hate the way you make me feel
I hate the way you think you're real
Your one voice it destroys my one choice

ill nino - what comes around


for those of u who know this song, good for u. for those of u who dont, go download it from kazaa or something. its such a wonderful song, and it depicts most of what is happening. off course, the above lyrics are not about what i feel, but i can think of at least one individual who thinks this way of another individual.

for the rest of us, you will find those lyrics so so true about someone that u know.

----------------

today, someone called to apologise for a certain something that he did on the night of adil's chalet. what can i say? somehow, somewhere in that conversation, i know you were mocking me. maybe not intentionally, but still. whatever it is, i decided to overlook it, but all i can say is, things will never be the same.

when i was given those 2 punches, it took alot of self restraint not to punch back. somewhere along the lines, i knew that you were just showing off. or rather, you had to proove a point. whatever it is, its over. and i dont wanna talk about it anymore so please.

daniel from "turn the tap" said something today which struck me. he said, "it takes a bigger man not to punch back." i would definitely like to think of myself as being so noble, being a bigger man and all, but somehow, somewhere, i wonder. why did i not punch back? was it because of the things i owed him? or was it that i was just too scared? i dont like to think of myself as being a wimp, but sometimes i wonder.

so, i've decided. today, now. i'm gona change. you will be my witness. never will i get myself caught inside a situation like that again. anyone fucks me up the wrong way, you'll get it from me. simple as that.

----------------

i'm glad i could be of help to cheer julz up. really. its a warm feeling to know that i actually care for someone, instead of wondering around, not knowing what want. hopefully, this is a sign that i am finding my path in life. hopefully, its a sign of better times.

anyway, its getting late, and i'm starting to ramble, so i guess i'll get my daily dosage of nicotine and go to sleep. smoking is bad

ciao.

shitty day. thats all i can say.

it started well, with me, david and weiliang laying mahjong at david's house. obviously for those that know me, my day starts at 7pm. what can i say? i need sleep.after that, it all spiralled out of control. i kinda feel bad, cuz i indirectly caused weiliang to be scolded. argh.

why does it always have to happen like this? one minute we're all fine. the next minute, boom! all gone. fucked up.

i'm not gona comment much on the issue, cuz i know that if i do, i'm gona be stepping on alot of toes. however, i'm gona say this.

always, AWAYS be honest. honesty saves all of us alot of trouble.

you should know who i am talking to.. dont worry, i'm not angry at u.. its just my opinion.. both of you are my friends. dont put me in this spot. and julz, i hope u dont mean what u said.

on a lighter note, adil read me a horoscope of libra from some magazine. and FUCK. its zhun sia. seriously zhun zhun zhun. like bullseye zhun. i wonder how they know.. hmm..

something to think about while trying to sleep.

i think i'm sick too.
my throat hurts, my nose is blocked, and it feels like a river today.

yep. i'm sick.

what the hell is it with people being sick around this month? mom says its gotta do with the weather changes and all but i think thats just bullshit. maybe theres this conspiracy going on, like Friday the 13th, where the higher powers take pleasure in making everyone sick. i can just imagine.. god(no offense to christians) sittin in his golden throne, throwing hexes at all the mortal people. muAHAHAHAHA! *throws a hex*

sorry, got carried away.

these few days have been really tight man, not for me only, for most of my friends as well, considering my circle of friends is not exactly something to be proud of. i just don't bother to go out so often anymore, just staying at home and bumming. my obvious lack of funds doesnt help.

being broke sucks. i wish i could go back to those days where i actually HAD a job, and money was not exactly a problem then, considering i earned $1,200 a month as a supervisor. hah. i ould buy gifts, chiong every night, take cabs everywhere and STILL have money to spare. wonderful times.

nowadays, i have to wait till my mom is in a good mood before i ask her for cash. if not, BOOM. there goes my week's "allowance". doesnt help that my mom,s still grieving about my grandmother's death. it just makes it so much more difficult to ask for cash.

today started off good though, i told my father i was sick and he gave me $24 bucks to go see a doctor. first time. oh well, i guess life doesnt suck so bad afterall. i think i'm just gona go play somemore NS and then later, when julz calls me, we can go watch american pie 3 together. cant wait.

ciao.

alright, everything is in working order.

finally! alright, sleep time. so sleepy.


-snores-

finally finished editing my template. check it out! so proud of it..

now all i otta do is get the tagboard to work. shits.

you know, after like mumbling and complaining about how hard it is to do a proper blog, i suddenly decided to visit my own blog and take a look at how it looked. i surprised myself, because it actually looked nice. although it was just a template that was given free by www.blogger.com, it still looked good. and suddenly, all that hard work has paid off.

maybe i should work for things, then i might be able to get this feeling back again cuz damn, its a good feeling.

i don't get what the deal is it with online blogs. call me a hypocrite or anything, but after going through like 5hrs of gruelling work just to get this blog up and running, i have come to the conclusion that blogging generally sucks. its too, confusing. especially for mentally challenged idiots like those people from H.E.L.P. or whatever you call those associations for the mentally challnged. think about it.

bah. i'm rambling.

btw, getting a tagboard also sucks.. :/